So this shouldn't be a long blog...these are just thoughts I had this morning that I thought I'd share since there might be some of you who feel the same way.
I have always felt this need to be perfect...and if I can't reach perfection, then I try to appear perfect to those around me. The hard part is that I'm not perfect...that tends to become an obstacle. lol. I could go on and on about my need for perfection, but I will leave it at that.
Well, this morning, I was showering...and typically, when I shower, I make it a point to pray. I tend to pray for my friends who might be dealing with something, family, etc. Well, this morning as I was praying, I realized that I was only doing it because I felt obligated. Like, if I didn't pray in the shower, God wouldn't be pleased with me and would love me less. I had this idea that if I went one day without praying for So and So, God would be disappointed in me, and I wouldn't get a gold star.
And you know what? I might not get a gold star.
But that doesn't matter.
At all.
While I was in the shower (mid-obligated prayer), it hit me that God doesn't want me to spout off these prayers because I have to. HE WANTS ME TO BE NEAR HIM. He doesn't want perfect, grammatically correct prayers recited to him. He wants His imperfect child to come to Him ready to be held and ready to be loved. At that moment, as I was putting my Dove body wash on my turquoise lufa, I realized that God loves me JUST AS I AM.
I know what you're thinking right now.
"Katie, this is VBS crap. You learned this when you were like 7. You've sung a million songs about this very concept."
My answer to that is, "I know." But sometimes you have moments when God says, "Get it?" and you dumbfoundedly (I just made up a word) nod your head with assurance that you are loved.
So what are the "shower" moments in your life? Where do you feel the need to be perfect in front of others and/or in front of God. Are we praying because we should, or are we praying because we want to share our hearts with our Father who has gone out of His way (to say the least) to bring us to Him through Jesus Christ? Are we running around trying to earn our gold star like Martha (Luke 10:38-42), or are we sitting at the feet of Jesus because He's here with us? I feel like it's then when we are able to truly share with Him what is on our hearts including our requests for our friends, family, enemies, etc.
What are your thoughts?
Good thoughts Katie. It's funny how things seem simple and kid-ish sometimes but it's so contrary to the way we normally think that we have to re-learn them or be reminded of them over and over again throughout our life. That fact that God loves me in my imperfection is one of those things I have to re-learn. I don't love me in my imperfection so why should God or other people love me? I try to do and say the right things so people won't think less of me. I try to do the right thing and have the right attitude about life so that God will be pleased with me. Partially because that allows me to take some credit for why God loves me, but mainly because that's what makes sense to me. It doesn't make sense for God to love me just because He does and not because I did something. It doesn't make sense for God to draw me near to Him and for Him to desire to spend time with me for no other reason but that He is my Heavenly Father. It doesn't make sense at all, but thankfully it doesn't have to. It's still true even when I don't understand it and even when I slip back into my performance-driven mode of thinking and have to re-learn the lesson again.
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